Highlights from last year

Life -
We had an amazing experience to start off 2013 as my wife birthed our 3rd child in late January.  We went a bit off the mainstream by going to a Birthing Center instead of a hospital.  It was amazing.  This was the very best highlight of the year.  The entire experience was unbelievable.  The staff was amazing and my wife, Rachael, was beautiful and so brave as our daughter, Rhema Faith, was water-birthed.  The atmosphere beforehand was very relaxing as we played worship music in the background and my Mother-In-Law and I would take turns reading scriptures out loud.  I completely understand how insanely weird this must sound. But it was so perfect and natural.  By far my favorite moment of the year.

Ministry -
Lots of change occurred in 2013 and I got to see some teens that were far from God begin to ask questions about life and faith.  My goal as a youth ministry director is for teens to Know God, Make Friends, and Find Their Purpose.  One of my most favorite ministry moments was a car ride with a middle schooler and a high schooler and hearing them talk about God and wondering what their purpose in life is.  I loved how honest, doubtful, and crazy that conversation was.  Anytime you go from talking about Jesus healing the sick to how awesome knives are to the grossest fart you have ever smelled....you know it was a great car ride.

Faith -
In my past, I struggled with a porn addiction.  I know that God provided the way out of that lifestyle and addiction.  I will blog more about that in the next couple of weeks.  Though I am tempted to think that I have arrived spiritually, but I have more stuff that I need to allow God to change in me.  I realize that I am in no way better than anyone else.  God blessed my family all through out the year of 2013 and my favorite faith moment was to see how God provided for us to get a new van.  God and Todd truly blessed our family.  I am so thankful for my friends, family and the spiritual leaders in my life.

These are just a few highlights from my year.  What about yours?

2013 - How did I do?

I have accomplished quite a bit this year.  I don't really do New Year's resolutions but I do have goals I make up during the year.  

Here are the things I am most proud of from 2013:

• I have almost read the entire bible in 10 months
• I have not seen one episode of Walking Dead
• I lost 30+lbs 
• I have read quite a few books including Hunger Games, Make A Difference, Lead Small, Forgotten God, Circle Maker and 10 Things We Should Never Say To Kids, etc.
• I have played less video games this year and I didn't really miss it
• I became a better dad and husband than I was last year
• I learned more about God and life which made me realize I don't know much about anything
• I have not seen one episode of Breaking Bad

Here are some things that I need to work on:

• I am not as close-knit with my family as I would like to be
• I want to be more aware of God in my daily/hourly life
• I need to be a better leader and example of what I profess to believe
• I gained 35+lbs after losing 30+lbs
• I want to have more fun with my kids and wife this year
• I desire to be a greater influence in youth ministry

While I may not do resolutions per se, I do have goals that I would love to move towards.  What are you aiming for in the next year?  How did you do this year?

iPhone Features That Make Marriage Better

There are millions of things in life that can derail your marriage or even cause a disconnect between you and your partner.  Apple and I are going to give you some marital help.  Here are three simple things you can do to help your marriage thanks to Apple.

1. Do Not Disturb button - easily my favorite feature everyone needs to be using.  Swipe up from the bottom of your phone and tap the moon.  This is great to do when you first get home from work, before you drive in a car, and right before you go to bed.  You may miss getting or hearing notifications for a few days but it will take the focus off of the less important things.  It definitely could save a life when driving because it prevents the "need to know what that notification sound was" problem that distracts so many drivers.
   
2. Built in porn blocker - Great for kids or just keeping your life and mind clear from stuff that will mess with your marriage and relationship with your kids. The best way is to have your spouse/partner enable restrictions with a passcode only they know. Here is how you can do that: Settings > General > Restrictions and select Enable Restrictions. Once restrictions are activated, you'll be prompted to enter a 4-digit passcode—again, make sure it's something your child/partner doesn't know and can't guess and that it isn't the same as the 4-digit code you use to unlock the phone.
   
3. Find My iPhone - Can't emphasize this one enough.  If you have kids, then you know you have "lost" your phone and of course it is on silent.  This will play a loud sound for you to find it.  What I love even more about this feature, is that if you have trouble locating your spouse/partner because they aren't answering the phone or your phone is legitimately lost, you can track it and find it and your partner.  This isn't Spygate, but let's be honest, phones go on silent all the time with young kids around, and every now and then, you get worried when your better half doesn't answer.  This feature will definitely help your marriage....or ruin it if you have a REALLY possessive partner.

There are your 3 easy ways to help your marriage and relationship with your kids.  Or to feed your crazy side or stalking behavior.  Thanks Apple for making our lives better or worse, either way, they have made it interesting.

What is your favorite feature on your iPhone or other device?

3 Ways That Prove You Are *NOT* A Christian

Like most Christians, I have decided to start boycotting.  No surprise, since Christians are known more for what they stand against, than what they stand for.  This includes "Gays" or the LBGTQ community, premarital sex, video game violence, divorce, alcohol, and around a billion other things.  So the answer to the problem is to boycott anything that would even give the appearance of condoning such behavior or beliefs. So that is what I am doing.  I am boycotting the idea that those things are the most important to God.

Before you slam me or plead your case in the comment section, read on.

I am a Christian and I have no problem about sharing, what I believe is, the most important decision I have ever made in my life.  Here is a huge shocker.  I sin.  Sin just means that I choose not to uphold the standard of living that Jesus has asked of me.  The fact is, you do it too.

Let's define something first.  Christian means a person who follows the life of Jesus Christ and devotes them self to living a life modeled by Jesus.  Christian does not mean: a person who goes to church, or a member of a church, or a tither, or a preacher.  Though a Christian can be all of those things, they don't make a person a Christian.

Here are 3 ways to prove you might not be a Christian:

1. You hate sinners.
2. You tell people when they are doing something God disapproves of....daily.
3. You spend more time boycotting events (and telling everyone why) than serving people in your community.

Wait....just, wait a second.  I know, I know.  God hates sin, people need to know what God doesn't like, and you boycott and tell people about it to "raise awareness".  But did you know:

1. God loves sinners so much, He sent Jesus to die for each one of those sinners (which includes you and me).
2. Jesus consistently told people how much God loves us and wants us to know Him and how we can get to know God, personally.  Yes that includes walking away from sin, but it was Jesus' goodness that leads us to want to change our ways.  Not what He disapproved of.
3. Jesus served all people, sat at bars with people, fed people, healed people.  He served the community, but defied man made traditions from the religious leaders of that day.

I am not saying that if you do the first three things that you are not going to Heaven, but most likely, you won't be bringing anyone with you.

You can do one of two things:

Make a point - which people will know where you stand on a subject

Or

Make a difference - which people will want to know why your life is different

Both can point to Jesus, but only one shows people that Jesus is real, relevant, and ready to change us all from sinner to saint and from outcast to son/daughter. 

Boycott the idea that making a point is the same as making a difference.  Who is with me?

The 4 Things Your Teen NEEDS This Christmas

If you think it is an iPhone 5s, Kindle Fire HDX, Your car keys, and a credit card; you would be slightly incorrect.  Christmas is a great time to give amazing gifts, but next year they would just want the next iPhone, tablet, their own car, and a lot of money.  Here are four gifts your teen NEEDS this year, so put them on the Christmas List:

1. Your Time/Attention - I know it seems contradictory because parents are doing everything they can for their teens for Christmas.  We buy their gifts, take them to Christmas parties, help them wrap the gifts they bought for us with our money, and the list goes on.  Christmas morning can seem like such a blur, so take the time to create a new family tradition and ask your teenager for their ideas. Teenagers are becoming more aware of helping others, so maybe a service project in the community would be a good idea.  Most importantly, make sure you try to connect with your teen and allow time during this crazy, hectic holiday to be a moment where it is more about your relationship than your next present.
   
2. Family Fun - This is an easy one right?  I would say no.  Holidays are being taken up by games on TV, movies, Candy Crush or Quiz Up and are becoming less FUN and more isolated and boring.  Play a game together. Break out the deck of cards or dominoes. Play Taboo or Boggle (you know, Scramble with Friends but in 3D).  Put down the iDevices and engage in hilarity.  You won't regret it.
   
3. Sleep - The fact is that teenagers sleep in late.  In their defense, they need it!  In an article every parent should check out, it explains:
   "Part of the problem is a shift in circadian rhythms during adolescence: It makes sense to teen bodies to get up later and stay up later, Johnson said.
   But due to early busing and class schedules, many teens rack up sleep debt and "become increasingly cognitively impaired across the week," Johnson said. Sleep-deprivation only exacerbates moodiness and cloudy decision-making. And sleep is thought to aid the critical reorganization of the teen brain."
   
4. Help - This is probably the vaguest ones on the list.  Each teenager will need a different kind of help. Communication is the only way to figure out what help is needed.  And if you want open communication with your teen, then make sure you get these first 3 things on their Christmas NEEDS List and you may be able to help.  Some teens may have issues with peer pressure, future worries (like college and beyond), depression, pornography (cannot stress this one enough), or relationship problems.  They need help to make choices that will affect the rest of their lives, but they don't want us to make it for them.
   
   I hope you have a great Christmas and get everything on your list, including the new Kindle Paperwhite.  Maybe that is just me.  Let me know what you would add or change to the list.

Elf On The Shelf - Santa's Spy or God's Grace

Thanksgiving is over, Black Friday has passed, and Cyber Monday is about to take place.  This means only one thing:  It is officially time for Elf on the Shelf!

Before you check out or moan or cheer, I have a confession:  I personally LOATHE behavior modification tactics like this.  However, I love the imagination and magic of this season.  So how and why did we turn Santa's Spy to an Agent of God's Grace?

Jinx, which is the name our kids chose for the elf, was sent here by Santa from the North Pole to stay with us until Christmas Eve night.  He is a really good elf that sometimes makes some troublesome choices for Santa and his workshop.  Santa really feels like our family will be able to help Jinx by showing him God's love and grace when he makes mistakes and teach him how to make good choices.  Jinx will also learn about Jesus and the story of His birth and why we celebrate Christmas.  The great part is, Jinx will be learning all of this from our kids.

Our kids will daily identify Jinx's choices if they are good or bad.  Then they can demonstrate the correct response on how to handle Jinx and his choices with God's grace.  The awesome effect of this method of doing Elf on the Shelf, is my kids can grasp their own choice making ability because they are not only learning it but teaching it as well.

My kids believe that Jinx only moves around when no one is watching, usually while they are sleeping.  Just think Toy Story.  This allows my 3 yr old son and 2 yr old daughter a chance to grasp the fact that even if we don't see Jinx making a bad choice, God does see and is ready to forgive and help Jinx make better choices next time.  Just like God does for us.

I will thoroughly enjoy Elf on the Shelf this year!  I certainly don't condemn any parent that uses the Elf tactic for modifying behavior.  It is no different than using Santa's nice or naughty list because when I was a kid, this method did not work on me.  If I had an elf, I would have kidnapped or hid him so he would have nothing to report to Santa.  Yeah, I was that kid.

So whether you like the Spy for Santa or the Agent of Grace, make it magical and wonderful.  Create memories that you talk about every year.  Maybe even allow mistakes and create opportunities for grace. Isn't that the gift we all want anyway?

Here is the introduction letter from Santa to my kids (if you care to read it, steal it, or mock it):

Hello Gideon, Selah, and Rhema!

I hope you are doing well!  Christmas is coming soon, and I have a lot of work to do at the North Pole.  I talked with your mommy and daddy about a special elf friend of mine.  His name is Jinx, and he is getting into trouble in my workshop. He is a really good elf, and I love him very much, but sometimes he just makes bad choices.  He needs someone to help him learn to make good choices like: praying, cleaning up his toys, brushing his teeth, listening and obeying, and doing what’s right even when nobody sees.  Since I am so busy getting ready for Christmas, your mommy said that you would be willing to help keep an eye on him for me, and teach him about Jesus, and how much he loves us, even when we make bad choices.  Can you do that for me?  I’m counting on you! 

Let me tell you a little about Jinx.  When you are looking, he stays really still, almost like a toy on Toy Story.  But, when you are not looking he comes to life, and moves around.  His favorite time to play is at night, when everyone is sleeping.  He is SO silly!  I bet he will love visiting with you, because you are all pretty silly, too! 

When I come to your house on Christmas Eve, I will pick up Jinx and take him back to the North Pole with me.  So, he can only stay until then!  I hope you guys have a fun time together!  If it all goes well, maybe he will come back next year at Christmas time.

Thank you! I love you all!

Love,

Santa 

How to make Thanksgiving a HAPPY Thanksgiving

Holidays with family, friends, and extended family/friends can quickly escalate into a Holler Day. Thanksgiving or any holiday can be really stressful leading up to the gathering.  There are a few things we can do to prepare our hearts and minds beforehand.

• Is there someone you need to forgive or something you need to let go?  Unforgiveness, guilt, shame, and selfishness are things WE have control over.  Take care of it today or talk to someone about those feelings to get to the root of the problem.
• Be present and enjoy the moment.  Put down the iPad, iPhone, Kindle, and video game controller. Pick up a board game, dominoes, or some cards.  If you are bored, DON'T tune out!  Engage others by taking a walk together, start a new family tradition, or just sit down with the kids and have nonsensical talks about Thor and Disney Junior.
• Listen, actually listen, to others as they speak.  Don't just wait for your turn to talk.
• When conflict arises (not if, but when), realize that your priority is to love that person (even if they have no idea what they are talking about) before you argue.  Engage the person instead of attacking their stance on something.
• Serve - This is not for the cooks and cleaners, but for the kids and uncles and brothers that eat, watch tv, and then sleep.  Don't let this great day slip by without showing your thanks by serving.  

I am really looking forward to Thanksgiving and I hope it is one to remember for years to come, for the right reasons that is.  Happy Thanksgiving!

Youth Ministry vs. Family

So this past week, my wonderful wife has been in and out of labor and at the same time our youth ministry has been transitioning our style and model of ministry to small groups and events only.  It has been really difficult for me to choose where I spend my energy.  My pastor was unbelievably supportive and empathetic.  There was no external pressure for me to split my time, but I found that internally I was leaning to ministry over family.

This was our third child and I felt a bit like I was on auto-pilot up until the birth day.  I had to refocus, pray and make sure I was present for my wife.  The birth was a fantastic experience as we did that out of the hospital and completely natural.  It really was amazing.

I am glad I made the choice to really focus and spend time with my wife and children.  The fact is that the two can conflict and I am really fortunate to be able to pick the right choice, family!  Which is where real ministry happens anyway.

Have you ever had THE conflict?  How did it go for you?

Are You All In?

No, I am not talking about poker.  I am a horrible card player.  I am, however, a great team player.  I completely get my pastor's vision for ministry.  As the youth ministry director, it would be so easy to blaze the trail with whatever vision I feel like going after.  I do have a vision for our ministry!  But my vision, doesn't trump my pastor's vision.  I am and will be his biggest cheerleader (not by weight, but by enthusiasm).

So, are you all in?  Do you even know what the vision for your church is?  Lack of  corporate vision means people in your church have no momentum or unity (referring to Proverbs 29:18).  How do you convey your pastor's vision to your youth ministry?  

Our church's vision is: Changing people's perception of God by changing their perception of church.

Our youth ministry's is: Make Friends, Know God, Find Purpose

Different but the same.  How do you verbalize yours?  I would love to pray for your ministry and vision!

From Rags to Riches!

There are so many resources that can help you in youth ministry.  What is the first thing you would do if you took over a student ministry today?  How can you go from Rags to Riches?


I don't necessarily mean this:
Small to Big Numbers
Lame to Amazing Programs
You-led to Student-led Services
Starbucks trips to Mission Trips

I do mean this:  Rags to Riches.  No Clear Vision to Clear Vision.  Achieving your goal or vision for your ministry.  That may include the list above.  It may not. Where are you headed?  How can you measure success?  Whatever your vision is, what steps are you taking to get there?  Does your team or church even know what it is?  If you were to put it into one sentence or two, what would it say?

Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it. Habakkuk 2:2 ESV 

My team is better than me!

That is a great feeling when you get an awesome team of volunteers around you in youth ministry.  There is none like it.  I have the best group now, more than ever before.  The fact is they are better than me.  How great and terrifying is that?!

Tonight, the team was going over wins and challenges from tonight's service.  They brought up some great feedback that I never even thought of.  One particular volunteer, a former youth pastor, gave me some advice on my message.  I got defensive immediately, but just as quickly realized that I needed that.  How awesome is the fact that my team is comfortable enough to be honest about EVERYTHING.  I responded with a thank you and wrote it down.  Later, I approached that volunteer and thanked him genuinely.  My team is better than me and I am completely okay with that.  I thank God for the opportunity to learn and grow in this team.  I also plead with Him to help enlarge my ability to lead these great volunteers.

Don't be content with being the best youth pastor.  Try to be the best facilitator for those around you to find their purpose and passion.  Then let them do it!

My goal is to lead faithfully and learn humbly.  I have a great team and I refuse to be intimidated by that fact. God is my standard and that is far more intimidating, and from what I hear, God really likes me.

Lead fearlessly.  Be a hungry learner.  Let others lead even if that means your service takes a hit on quality.

Why teens don't come back to your church!

It is easy to say that kids aren't interested in God, you are too deep for them, or maybe they are too convicted.  But let's be brutally honest.  It's not them, it's you .... and me.  The fact is that students will go to a horrible youth ministry program if their friends go.

What can you do to attract students?  I don't mean drop your mission for seeker style church, I mean have both.  The longer you are in your ministry, the easier it is too overlook things that will deter returning visitors. Here are just a few:

1. Presentation - yep, you need to hear this.  People, even teens, care how something looks.  Are you presenting excellence or are you saying "This is how it always looks".  Ask a friend from a different church or even a non-church goer to come and write down what they notice when they first walk in.  This can have an immediate effect on returners.
2. Lessons/Series/Sermon - whatever you call it, what is your main purpose in speaking it.  Is it relevant and do they understand it?  Can they apply it and do they know how to apply it?  What will be the result of the student if they apply your main idea?  If you can't answer these questions, you might just be passing on information or even worse, just talking without really communicating.
3. Environment - Is it a safe place for students to be themselves?  Is it a fun place to hang out?  Do they feel like it is their place?  Can non-Christians come and feel welcome?
4. You/Your team - Are you relate-able?   Does your team value teens over tasks?  Can anyone join your team or is it tough to crack your circle of trust?

What are some things you figured out along the way?  What advice would you give to me?  I am all ears (not literally, because that is weird).